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Write down the immediate feelings that you have as a result of thinking about your son's father. It could be anger, hate, disgust, abandonment, neglect, disappointment, content, supported, encouraged, or something else. This is the first step to healing. |
Before beginning this activity it is important for mothers to think through two basic questions:
Are you still angry with your son's father because the relationship ended?
Are you open to reconnect you son and his father in spite of the broken promises, lies and other issues that have impacted the relationship?
- Draft a letter to the absent father. The letter should be written in two parts:
The first part of the letter should describe your feelings related to the father's absence. Please make sure to express your feelings in emotional terms. (Often writing can be a powerful source of healing and closure). While many moms have discussed these feelings with the absent parent, we are asking that you revisit this process.
The second part of the letter should outline your aspirations, hopes and dreams for your son. Please describe your son's interests (careers, school, hobbies etc.).
- Mail one copy of the letter to the absent parent and keep another copy in a safe place. Please share the copy that you have saved with your son when you believe he has reached a level of maturity to accept his absent parent's response. It will be difficult for you to sit your son down and go through the letter. Ultimately, your relationship with your son will be strengthened. This process is critical as your son travels on the road toward manhood. He must realize that as a mother, you tried everything humanly possible to help support reconnecting him with his father!
- If your son's father doesn't respond, this is a clear indication that it is time to move on. However, as long as there is no history of violence within the family, the door should always be open for the reconnection!
- 4. If the father does reach out, begin the conversations in writing only. This will allow all parties space to begin to address many of the on-going challenges within the relationship.
**This process may lead to reconciliation with your son's father. However, do not create false expectations for yourself or your son. We have seen this process work for many families. It may take time, but it is worth a shot!
Reclaiming families is critical to our collective survival.
Please share with us your experience. |
